Penn and Teller: Bullshit!

August 22, 2006 at 6:37 am (Current Events, General LOLness, Quicky)

First of all, if you haven’t fallen in love with video google yet, you’re about to.
Secondly, if you haven’t fallen in love with Penn and Teller yet, you’re about to.

Penn and Teller are people that have almost exactly the same opinions as I do on just about everything, I love their show because it catches people lying. They miss out on a few issues most episodes but consider how much stuff they cram into each episode it’s forgiveable.

A few of my favorite episodes are:
The abstinence episode
It includes full frontal nudity and a hot asian chick masturbating. Also, copius amounts of truth. But also a hot asian chick masturbating. Every person in the world should see this, except attractive young males. I have enough competition with them while they’re ignorant.
12-step programs
This one exposes not only the bullshit of 12-step programs, but the illegality of the current system under which they operate (in the US.)

You can see the entire list of the uploaded ones here.

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NAAAAAACHOOOOOO

June 19, 2006 at 12:36 pm (General LOLness, Life, Quicky)

I saw Nacho Libre with my brother the other day and I must say, it was fucking funny. When we were having dinner beforehand we were talking about our expectations for the movie. We knew it would either be really funny or really shitty. It was really funny. At the end "Fly Like an Eagle" started playing in my head. It is funny. Jack Black is funny. Go see this movie.

WOOOOOO! SHITTY POST!

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YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

June 17, 2006 at 11:37 pm (Geeky, General LOLness, Quicky)

This is the greatest thing to ever happen. Ever.

Digg Story about some "punks" talking shit to some Star Wars fans. The clip was taken from some documentary that's given credit somewhere.

The title says everything I want to say about this.

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Shit like this is why I love bash.org

June 11, 2006 at 3:42 pm (General LOLness, Quicky)

If you don't know or just haven't clicked on the link in my sidebar yet this is bash.org, it takes quotes from chats that people submit and does some shit I don't care about and people get to read them. Gems like this pop up pretty often if you just hit random.

Also, I would like to point this submission out. Learn from it. That is all.

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MySpace Survey

June 10, 2006 at 1:24 am (Life, Quicky)

What? I've told you I'm lazy.

Name: Jon
Birthdate: 5-29-90
Birthplace: Albuquerque
Current Location: Albuquerque T_T
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 6'
Weight: 205
Piercings: None
Tatoos: Someday
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: NEIN!…as in no.
Overused Phraze: Don't MAKE ME SUCK YO DICK!
FAVORITES
Food: Pizza/steak/mashed potatomoes
Candy: Warheads/Gum
Number: None
Color: Crimson
Animal: Penguin
Drink: Mountain Dew
Alcohol Drink: Captain Morgan
Bagel: Cinnamon Sugar
Letter: None
Body Part on Opposite sex: Sweet, sweet cherry pie.
This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonalds or BurgerKing: Wendy's
Strawberry or Watermelon: Meh
Hot tea or Ice tea: Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla Vanilla
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Chocoffee with french vanilla cream…DUH!
Kiss or Hug: Shitty question
Dog or Cat: *dies*
Rap or Punk: Punk
Summer or Winter: Winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Funny Movies
Love or Money: Loney, yes Loney.
YOUR…
Bedtime: HAHAHAHAHA
Most Missed Memory: I don't remember
Best phyiscal feature: See: Weight
First Thought Waking Up: Fuck this I'm going to sleep.
Goal for this year: Get a girl (did not work out last year)
Best Friends: Don't hate you if you crash their car.
Weakness: I'm too awesome
Fears: Spiders
Heritage: Irish, Jewish, and one asian.
Longest relationship: None
HAVE YOU…
Ever Drank: Yes
Ever Smoked: Yes
Pot: Once
Ever been Drunk: Buzzed
Ever been beaten up: No
Ever beaten someone up: Just a leel beet
Ever Shoplifted: No
Ever Skinny Dipped: See: Weight. HAHA!
Ever Kissed Opposite sex: No
Been Dumped Lately: No
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color: Green or Blue
Favorite Hair Color: Unnatural (not shit blonde) with black
Short or Long: Meh
Height: <3 Shorties
Style: Geeky and Intellectual
Looks or Personality: Personality
Hot or Cute Kewt
Drugs and Alcohol: In moderation
Muscular or Really Skinny: Fuck jocky chicks, fuck razor faces.
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past: There was that one time I crashed Noah's car.
What country do you want to Visit: Japan
How do you want to Die: Eat so much molten chocolate cake I have to toss my self of a cliff just so people will get to see what the splat looks like. …You can almost hear the people leave.
Been to the Mall Lately: No
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yesh
Get along with your Parents: Yesh
Health Freak: See: Weight
Do you think your Attractive: Only my balls. What?
Believe in Yourself: Meh
Want to go to College: Yesh
Do you Smoke: Prime Times
Do you Drink: A leel bit
Shower Daily: Yesh
Been in Love: Nu
Do you Sing: No idea
Want to get Married: Eventually
Do you want Children: When I'm over 35 at the very soonest
Have your future kids names planned out: Xavier or Alexandra
Age you wanna lose your Virginity: Now, dammit.
Hate anyone: The things I could say.
CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

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An easy shot at Brokeback Mountain

May 24, 2006 at 12:18 am (Quicky)

Why not? Look at the pretty picture now.

Tew Hawt LAWL

I would like to thank Rotten Tomatoes for this opportunity to be an ass.

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Why Didn’t I See It Earlier?

October 12, 2005 at 12:03 am (General LOLness, Quicky)

I think I know why my love life sucks, it isn't because I'm shy, insane, and suck at talking to women. No, that's not it at all, it's because I never respond or re-post chain letters. I can't believe I didn't see it earlier.

By my calculations I have roughly 6 lifetimes worth of shitty luck because I have never continued a chain letter for a few reasons:
A) If you read the first post you know this. I hold almost everyone in contempt, which means I don't even think I have twenty friends to send it to and I am not sending my guy friends a "send this to someone sexy" chain letter. Except for Conan O'Brien and Maddox.
B) I'm too awesome to spend time re-posting or sending shit to a bunch of people. It takes time to be this awesome dammit, and I will not be disturbed.
C) Fuck them.
D) To answer the question in the title of this post: BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING MORON!

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