(by) Hitler Jokes: Screwing in a lightbulb

January 22, 2006 at 1:40 am (Hitler Jokes)

This is an idea I've been kicking around for a while now. What is that idea? It's reading the title dumbass.
Anyways, about the jokes. The jokes I am about to share with are straight from the mouth of Hitler (no, really!)

Joke 1:
Hitler: Who wants to hear a joke?
Previously bored lackey with now picqued interest: I do!
Hitler: How many dirty stinking pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Lackey that is now totally spyched: How many?
Hitler: Who knows? I bombed their factories!
A lackey that is now laughing: Hahahahahaha!

Joke 2:
Totally not Hitler: Who wants to hear a joke?
Lackey still excited from the last joke: I do!
Just kidding it is Hitler: How many dirty stinking Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Surfer lackey: Dooooood, I have no idea.
Or is it Hitler?: It better take one or they're all going into the burner.
Entertained surfer lackey: That was righteous bra!

This edition of Hitler Jokes is coming to an end, with only one more thing to do. Surfer Lackey says goodbye. But what surfer lackey will it be?
Generic Surfer Lackey: Dude, bra, man, I'm gonna go shred some wicked foam, catch ya later!

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Henry Jenkins is awesome

December 13, 2005 at 9:51 pm (Current Events)

I've been busy lately because I've been learning the bass guitar and writing, I don't even know where the time is going and I haven't even been getting on World of Warcraft lately but I am going to sit down and entertain you people, and by people I mean the one person who I know reads this.

I've made it so you don't need to sign up to post a comment so If you like an article leave a comment, if you want to send me something through email you can find my adress in the links section.

Now to the article:

Henry Jenkins is mother-fucking awesome. If you haven't heard, Henry Jenkins is an MIT professor who is the director of comparitive studies at MIT. He has recently published an article about video games and violence, using FACTS (something all the people against video games don't have) to show that there is no correlation between violence in youths and video games.

There is another thing there, M rated and AO (Mature and Adults Only) games fall into the hands of teens a lot. People are saying this is a bad thing, it isn't in most cases. Making a sweeping generalization to not put these games into the hands of teens is horrible, the responsibilty should fall upon the parent to decide if their child is emotionally ready for these games. Personally, I am ready to see anything in a game or in any other type of media. People being pulled apart? Sure. Halves of people, faces locked in agony? Sounds good.
There are unstable people of all ages, a rating system based on ages does little to stop violent crimes of any nature.

Sex and Violence are things teens can deal with, at the very least I have always been able to deal with them. At 14 years old you should be able to deal with most things sexual and many things violent, by 17 if you can't deal with all of it you are one of two things:
1. A woman.
These things affect them differently, if you don't believe me think about it before you speak. How many 15 year old girls do you think know what "the shocker" is?
2. A total pussy.
Seriously dude, what the fuck? This is my impression of you: Oh no blood! *faints*
Grow a fucking spine and have some vodka. But please don't grow a "fucking spine."

You can find the article here and you can find Henry Jenkin's sight here

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So apparently I’ve got a hot date friday

November 16, 2005 at 8:22 pm (Life)

Ok, so I'm sitting at school totally doing my work and one of my friend's, Adam, is all like "D00D, wanna hang out with everyone friday?" so I was all like "Only if there be B33R, yo!"

True story.

Actually the true story goes exactly like that except there will be no alcohol involved. That I know of. Well there will be kegs. But anything could be in that keg, it could be a juice keg for all you know.

OK, odds are we're going to hang around somebody's house, eat cheetos, and play videogames for like 2 hours and then go to my supposed hot date. And now for how it all began…

I was still covered in the placenta and the doctors were drying me off, it was fucking freezing in the hospital room and my mother had just given birth to my younger brother.

Not me.

Placenta rocket.

Bwaha. Bwahaha. BWAHA. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. DAMMIT I AM FUCKING AWESOME.

OK, OK, I will get to the story now and no I do not have a younger sibling. I eat them. Mmmmm bebe.

So I'm sitting in class and my friend Adam asks me if I want to hang out with everybody on friday, so I said yeah sure, call me. Later he asks if I'm single, there is something I'm going to ask you all to do now, if you have not looked at my myspace yet do so now.

…You couldn't find the link could you? Well you retarded anus, it is to the right and under the links section.


—————————–>
That way.

Alrighty then, did you see my pictures? God dammit, go back and see them.

OK good, after the pain stops ask yourself this: Do I look single to you?
The answer is yes by the way.
I must say my friend is a smart person, but god damn dude, what the fuck?

I have no clue at all about the girl, all I know is I'm meeting her and I need to smell nice and that Noah needs to shave. I know you're reading this you half-hairy bastard. SHAVE! SHAVE! ZIEG HEIL!
Woops, freudian slip.

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Death Cab For Cutie

October 26, 2005 at 6:42 pm (Music)

Death Cab For Cutie is a band, a very good band. They've been around for a few years (over 7) and are starting to get a good amount of press from the big guys like MTV (mtvU Uber.) This band is so good your nuts will come alive and eat your scrote so they can hear better.

Their official website is well made which seems to be an ever growing trend among bands, a fantastic thing I might add. Their myspace page has a video for Soul Meets Body on it and some of their fans happen to be really hot.

They do not have a hard sound by any means, they are an indie band in every aspect and have 3 EPs and 6 albums, the newest is Plans which came out in August and is fantastic as are all their other albums. If you happen to want their EPs Studio X Sessions is an iTunes Exclusive so if you buy your music and don't use iTunes then you're out of luck, the rest of you should be able to find it.

Go listen to their stuff, they're great.

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Why Didn’t I See It Earlier?

October 12, 2005 at 12:03 am (General LOLness, Quicky)

I think I know why my love life sucks, it isn't because I'm shy, insane, and suck at talking to women. No, that's not it at all, it's because I never respond or re-post chain letters. I can't believe I didn't see it earlier.

By my calculations I have roughly 6 lifetimes worth of shitty luck because I have never continued a chain letter for a few reasons:
A) If you read the first post you know this. I hold almost everyone in contempt, which means I don't even think I have twenty friends to send it to and I am not sending my guy friends a "send this to someone sexy" chain letter. Except for Conan O'Brien and Maddox.
B) I'm too awesome to spend time re-posting or sending shit to a bunch of people. It takes time to be this awesome dammit, and I will not be disturbed.
C) Fuck them.
D) To answer the question in the title of this post: BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING MORON!

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Scissor Stab

September 26, 2005 at 7:54 pm (General LOLness, Life)

There are people who sometimes, or all the time if you're like me, you just feel like stabbing with scissors. Not normal scissors either, those tiny sissy ones with the half-inch blade. Were you to stab someone with scissors like these I imagine it would take a good ten minutes of fighting and stabbing until you got to their heart and were able to kill them. It would be very messy, very painful, very long, and above all, very satisfying.

It seems to me like I know a lot of these people. I never asked to know these people, I never asked that they talk to me, and I never asked to associate with them. Yet all these things happen and every day I get closer and closer to just going to school and snapping and killing one of them with a two centimeter screw.

The following is as close as I will ever get to posting bullshit emo crap. If I want to do that I will make a sissy blog where I tell what I ate today and every little detail about it because I'm just so interesting.
Today I told someone at school that they should read my blog and they said that it was a little pathetic that I was asking them to. And I must admit that If I had been asking them to read my blog it would have been pathetic, but I do not classify this as a blog. What do I classify it as? I classify it as a place where I can write articles and keep them neat and organized. I realize many people do this with blogs but that is for one reason and one reason only: Lazyness.
The only reason I do not make my own site to host my articles is because I'm to lazy. I could make a site with a host, ad space, and all that other fancy shit but I like the layout of this site and I don't want to sit here coding when I could be writing, playing, watching TV, being lazy in other numerous ways.

A blog is a place where whiny, angsty, dumbass little shits of lives complain about how bad their life is like nobody else feels or has emotions. Nobody gives a fuck if you think your hair is shitty and that people were staring at you and talking about you behind your back. THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY! Just live your fucking life and don't worry if the dipshit cheerleader makes fun of you because in twenty years when you stop for a coke at a gas station and shes behind the counter you can say, "Yes, I would like my pack of gum and coke bagged." and she will have to do it.

This post is my little way of staying sane and not actually stabbing anybody to death with a pair of shitty sissy scissors however much I still want to.

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Naruto

September 25, 2005 at 5:53 pm (General LOLness, Manga/Comics)

You may be wondering: "Three posts in one day? What the fuck?"
What the fuck indeed, but the simple answer is that I am in a writing mood today, you don't have to read them all today, or at all. Don't whine.

Now to Naruto. Some of you may have seen the anime on Cartoon Network. As with many other animes imported here it has been kiddied up into some friendly peice of shit. They SLAUGHTERED this anime and it does no justice to the manga. There is a point in the manga where someone is so fucked up he can't use his arms and is bleeding to death very quickly, so he decides that with the last of strength he is going to kill the opposing gang leader, so he gets a friend to put a knife in his mouth, charges the gang leader and lops his head off all the while being stabbed with numerous swords. I very much want to see this in the anime but I doubt it will happen because its not on Adult Swim, its on toonami. Technically it is a manga for young teens and thats the target audience for the anime but HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I watched toonami when I was 7 what's to stop seven year olds from watching it now? I know I would of loved that when I was seven but I was a crazy little bastard, I still am.

Moving on from that a question arises: Why the shit do they always give the protagonist the most irritating voice they can find. I think its because they want to distract people with a grating, scratchy, pre-pubescent crack whore voice so the audience won't notice what they've turned a good show into.

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You are not a punk, shut the fuck up.

September 25, 2005 at 5:29 pm (General LOLness, Life, Music)

Lately pretty much everyone at my school who liked Green Day last year has denounced their sheep-like faith in them because they have become too mainstream or some retarded shit like that. So, naturally, they all chose to start listening to more "unkown" bands like (I'm not shitting you) Blink-182 and Sum 41. Hey, good job retards, you denounced your love for Green Day, a band that doesn't suck, for BLINK-182 because Green Day is too mainstream. YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON! I am going to list a few reasons now, because I feel obligated.

1) We live in Albuquerque, NM. This may shock you but this city has one of the best music scenes in America. The Shins are from here, and we have local bands that almost rival them in how good they are. In other words, GO TO A GOD DAMN LOCAL CONCERT!
2)Most of you use Myspace, guess what, their music section has tons of indie artists who are nearly completely unkown, just browse the indie and alternative sections of music and I guarantee that you will find a fantastic band.

Now to the "punk" part.
YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING PUNK. A real punk would go stand outside of the oval office and press his ass up against the glass during a press conference and not complain when the secret service did an anal cavity search and threw him in jail just so he get could another one from a guy named Lucy. I'm pretty sure you don't want to meet Lucy, so take off the pre-wrinkled clothes and never speak of them again and find some music that, this may blow your mind, DOESN'T SUCK.

Now for a list of bands that suck:
Blink-182
Sum 41
Hawthorne Heights
Dashboard Confessional
Fall Out Boy
Simple Plan
Many, many, many, many more.
Pretty much anything anyone who got pissed off by this post listens to.

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